The Journey
Week 7 • 1 Peter 2:9
A man's role as priest, king, husband, father, and servant in his home.
Workbook Frame
This public page preserves the source teaching while shaping it with a stronger opener, calmer section pacing, and workbook-aligned reading rhythm.
Reading Order
Move through each section in order. Scripture, teaching, reflection, and prayer are laid out to help you read slowly, listen carefully, and respond with intention.
Opening Prompt
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light."
1 Peter 2:9
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.
Proverbs 18:22
Lesson Section
We've been on a journey of discovery. We discovered that there's a problem with the worldly definition of manhood today and have set out to discover true, authentic, Biblical manhood and what our role is, our calling and our purpose in life. We started with our core design and makeup, and with the question "who" we are, understanding that design reveals purpose. Hopefully, we discovered more about "who" we are through our spiritual gifts, personality profile tests, and really being introspective with our hearts. Our heart or our passions matter, and what we love will often help determine our purpose.
We learned "when" we are by defining the zeitgeist or culture of the day and our roles within it. We also learned "how" we are to respond to our world, which is found in 1 John 4:19, "We love because He first loved us." Our response to the world should be motivated and our actions interwoven by love. The 30 Commands to love found in Romans 12 are impossible unless we first receive the love of God. It is the foundation of our walk.
This week, we will help discover our "WHY". We live to leave a legacy. We live to leave the world a better place. God placed eternity inside of you (Ecclesiastes 3:11) and that longing is only fulfilled in the perpetuation of our species, through our families, our children and discipleship. We have a deep longing to be remembered after we're gone. God placed that longing within you and the first manifestation of that starts with our family, both the ones we're born into and the ones we make along our journey.
Q: If your house was on fire and you could bring out one thing, what would it be?
Answer this quickly and honestly. What rises to the top will tell you something about what you value.
Lesson Section
When God made the earth and everything in it, He said it was "Good". Yet, when He made man, He said it was not good for man to be alone. (Gen. 2:18) We are designed for relationship; specifically, we are designed for Covenant Relationship. (That is a deeper level of relationship, where two are one and are intertwined together with Christ as the Head) The family was the first church and still is the microcosm church. If you were part of the westward expansion of the US and you packed up your wagon full of supplies along with your family, when the Sabbath came, your church was wherever you were. That old frontiersman was the priest of his home, and you are still called to that priesthood. 1 Peter 2:9 says, "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." You're not only the priest, but you're also a "royal priest" in Covenant Relationship with your wife. Your first calling is to your home. That "royal priesthood" is a duty that's bestowed upon you from the moment you said, "I do.". Therefore, the duties of both royalty and of priesthood are yours and they're modeled by Christ Himself. God placed it in you to be the protector, provider, comforter, counselor, teacher, and vacation planner for your home, but have you accepted the duties of the royal priesthood? Let's outline those duties.
Sidebar about families
Today, there are fewer and fewer traditional family units. Pew Research states that 4 in 10 Americans have a stepparent, sibling, or half sibling. No matter how functional or dysfunctional your family was, when you start your own family, you get to choose the template by which your family will live. I hope and pray that you'll choose the foundation that the mighty warrior Joshua chose, "But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." (Joshua 24:15 NIV) The family that raised you might have served the god of alcohol or addiction. They may have served the god of favoritism or pride. But you get to choose your family's spiritual lineage. It's your choice. No matter what happened to you in the past, you get to choose this day, whom you will serve. Don't let your parent's failures keep you from the blessing of having your own spiritually thriving family.
Lesson Section
As priests, we are to mediate, to pardon, to bless and to guide our family toward God. We are to pray for and with our families. We are to fast for them, lead them, guide them, and protect them, both away from danger and evil, and toward the light of Christ. We teach the law to our children; we teach them to honor what is holy and what is sacred. The Levitical Priesthood of Aaron had a process of consecration for the altar and all its utensils, they offered sacrifices for their people and once a year, they entered the Holy of Holies to speak to God, directly. They established ebenezers so that generations would remember the things that God had done for them. Today, we can enter the throne room of heaven and speak to God, ourselves. We need no intercessor. Hebrews 4:16 says, "Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Our role is similar however, to Aaron's if not in form, at least in function. We do not sacrifice animals anymore; Jesus was our ultimate sacrifice. We do not have to burn incense night and day, instead we are to pray without ceasing (1 Thess. 5:17) for our family. We are to lead our family to the cross. Jesus is the only way. There is none other. John 14:6 says, "Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." We are to lead our families to the only One who can save them. Anything short of this is eternal failure. Our fervent, paramount prayer should be for the salvation of our children. Who will pray for your children if not you? Who will fast for our children if we do not fast? This is our solemn duty. If we say we love our families and lead them to love worldly pleasures, modern culture and forsake the cross of Christ, we have led our children to the gates of Hell. May it not be so! There is still time to change course! It doesn't matter how old your children are; today, put on the cloak of the royal priesthood and lead your children to the cross. No matter the cost, lead them. If you love them, lead them to Jesus.
Definition: Ebenezer: A stone of help and remembrance.
Q: Do you have an ebenezer in your family?
Think about whether your family has a visible reminder of God's help. If not, consider what kind of reminder you could establish.
Lesson Section
We are not just the priest; we are the royal priest. Therefore, we take on the role of both priest and king over our home. So, if we are royalty of the Kingdom that will never fail, our office, our position is permanent. Our royalty is irrevocable. Your position as husband and father is irrevocable. You are a royal priest. The only one who can lay that down is you. What does a king do for his people?
Lesson Section
The roles of a king are as variant as the roles of the priest. Proverbs 29:18 says, "Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he." (KJV) We are and should be casting a vision for our family. We should have spiritual, financial, relational, educational, health and recreational goals established for our families. Many of us plan vacations better than we plan our lives. The weight of our royal priestly role should be setting in by now. Being a husband and a father is serious business and takes planning. We can't do it alone. We need the help of other successful royal priests in our circle, and we need wisdom, endurance, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
1979-1989 Harvard Study
A 1979 Harvard University study on goal setting found that of their graduating class from 1979, only 16% had goals while only 3% had goals with a written plan. The 3% with goals and a written plan made 10x as much income as the remaining 97% of the class. Having a written plan or set of goals for your family is essential! Leaders lead with vision.
We understand the role of protector, because if anyone broke into your house, they'd likely have to go through you to get to your children. We know that we are called to provide because it says in 1 Timothy 5:8, "Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." (NIV) That speaks for itself. We are called to honorable and godly work. I've seen several families where the dad stays home these days and on the outside things seem ok, but as I counsel these men, I find them to be broken inside. Their manhood is in breech and their wives are the leaders of their homes. This isn't the paradigm that God designed for us. *
We are also called to be the leaders, builders, and teachers of our homes. King's advance the technology of their kingdoms, build new roads, acquire new territories, and establish the educational institutions of a society. Earthly Kingdoms throughout history are known for their technological advancements. The Phoenicians invented the alphabet, the Romans built roads and the Greeks established the sophists to rule their land. Kingdoms are known for justice or harshness. We use the word "draconian" because Draco the King established that every law broken required death. You establish the rule of law in your home. You establish what is honored, what is holy and what is permissible.
*Every situation is different. If you are called to stay at home with your children for a season and you've heard from God, then your duty is to listen to God's voice.
Lesson Section
The Weight (Not just a great song by, The Band)
You might be saying to yourself right now, "Wow, I didn't know that my role at home was so heavy or difficult." I'm glad that you're seeing that it isn't light and easy, but Jesus modeled the role for us, so that we have a guide. We don't have to plow the field on our own, Jesus said in Matthew 11:30, "My yoke is easy, my burden is light." He doesn't put anything on you that you can't manage, and the verse implies that He's carrying the weight along with you. The weight isn't too heavy when we manage it with Christ, but it is very heavy if we try pull it with our own ability. Our modeled example is to look at Christ and how he modeled the Royal Priesthood with His bride, the Church.
Lesson Section
Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
Q: How did Jesus treat His church?
Read the next section with that question in mind, not as theory but as a model for your own life.
Lesson Section
What does that mean, "and gave himself up for her"? I believe Paul is referring to the cross. Jesus loved the Church so much that He went to the cross for her. Why did Jesus go to the cross? So that we may be reconciled to Him. Jesus made the initiative in reconciliation even though man was first sinful. Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.".
This is difficult to do in a relationship. This means that we're the initiators of reconciliation. When there's an argument--and there's sure to be arguments… We should be the first to initiate making up.
Q: What does Giving Yourself mean to you?
Put that answer into plain language before moving into the practical rules that follow.
Four Easy Rules for Arguing
Never Bring Up Past Arguments. Once a disagreement is behind you, don't bring it up again. There's no keeping score. Let the past be the past. (That also means to watch your tongue and make sure you don't say something that could be damaging to your wife.)
Don't sleep on it. Don't give the devil a foothold into your marriage. If you're angry, stay up and fight angry until one of you gets tired and decides to make up. Make a commitment to pray before you go to bed every night. It's difficult to sincerely pray for someone while you're angry.
The "D" Word is off limits. If you have an old dictionary on the shelf, take a Sharpie and blot out two words that should be out of your vocabulary. Impossible--because nothing is impossible with God. Divorce--because no matter what, you're making it through. Don't let divorce be an option. If you have divorce in your family, break the curse of divorce by making a covenant with your wife. (Technically, if she's your wife, you are already in covenant.)
Listen. Stop arguing and listen to what your wife is saying. Many arguments continue when one person doesn't feel like they're respected or heard. Stop defending yourself for a moment and really listen to what she's saying. Also, put yourself in her shoes for a moment. Try to really understand what she's saying by viewing the argument from her perspective. She will respect you and honor you more if you do this, even if you agree to disagree.
"We teach what we know, we duplicate what we are."
--John Maxwell
Lesson Section
John 17:20-23
20 "My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22 I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one-- 23 I in them and you in me--so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
Your marriage is a light to others. The family really is the first church. If the outside world were peering into your family, would they see unity? Who is responsible for that unity? Who is responsible for unity within a church? The congregation or the priest? Again, who is responsible for unity in a kingdom, the king, or his subjects? Jesus talks about unity within the church and there's no unity within the church if our marriages are fractured. As men, we must fight for our marriages by having the courage to step out there, be vulnerable to our wives, be humble with them, love them--even more than they love us if necessary, and pray over them. Our role is difficult and probably impossible by worldly standards. It is not the easiest role. Many will quote that our wives are supposed to submit to us and that may be true, but a wife will not follow someone who is not spiritually in line with Christ for long. God placed the desire for justice and a right royal priesthood within your wife. She is looking to honor righteousness. She even desires to serve it, but it must be modeled for her to naturally follow her royal priest. If the royal priest is corrupt, she will rebel.
"Man has long studied the form of a woman, but has neglected her soul."
--Robert Bly
Lesson Section
Philippians 2:8 says, "And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death-- even death on a cross!"
Humility isn't just a good idea, it's a command. After Jesus washed his disciples feet, Jesus said this in John 13:12-17: "12 When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. 13 "You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. 15 I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you."
When you put your family's needs before yours, honor and love them, they will follow your lead. We defeat the enemy with the opposing spirit. When we see pride, we demonstrate humility. When we see greed, we are generous. When we see anger, we demonstrate peace. Adopt this practice in your home and watch the change occur!
Lesson Section
Our bodies aren't our own. 1 Corinthians 7:4 says, "The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife." This isn't just about sex, men. It's about the way we take care of ourselves, as well.
Your body is hers and vice versa. Do you eat like your body is hers? Are you grooming yourself or taking care of yourself the way she would want? Are you living in a way that you'll be able to take care of her when you're 85 and not just when you're 55? Jesus freely gave His body to the Church. If we are to love our wives as Christ loved the Church, then we are also to give our bodies to our wives as Christ gave His body for the Church. 1 Corinthians 11:24 says, "and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, "Take, eat; this is My body which is broken for you" (KJV).
Q: Jesus gave us His physical body. What does that mean for us?
Pause over this one. Let the question press into the practical way you steward your body and your marriage.
Lesson Section
Do you know your wife's love languages? Years ago, Gary Chapman wrote a powerful little book called "The Five Love Languages" and it outlined the different ways we receive love. The book is profound and has had a huge impact on marriages across the world. The author submits that we all receive love in five different ways and there is one way that makes us feel more loved than others. That is our personal love language. Here are the five:
If you'd like to take the quiz together with your wife, here is a link below:
Chapman submits that we all have one or two of the Love Languages that are dominant. If you don't know your wife's love language, ask her! If she doesn't know, take the test together. It will be a great bonding experience and I highly recommend you read the book together as a couple. It has helped Sara and me get in tune with each other and we've laughed a lot about each other's love languages over the years. If we are to love our wives as Christ loved the Church, let's be intentional about that love. If you were playing defense against a football team that liked to run the ball between the tackles a lot, you'd stack the box and walk those linebackers up closer so that you could win the game! That's a winning strategy for a game; we need a winning strategy for our wife's heart!
Physical Touch
Physical touch is probably easier for most guys than some of the others on this list because it's usually a predominant love language for men. However, there is physical touch that is intimate but doesn't have to be sexual. If your wife's love language is physical touch, initiate contact with her that is non-sexual, at first.
Time
Go on a date with your wife! I have the hardest time putting my phone down sometimes, but lately, we've decided on a digital sunset. That means, after 9pm, I put my phone down, look over at Sara and say, "this is your time now". I'm guilty of being so lost in the day, answering calls, texts and emails that I hardly ever concentrate on just one thing at a time. We try to say we are multitasking, but science has proven that we can only focus on one thing at a time. When you spend time with your family, be intentional. Be there in the moment. Don't let distractions invade your space. That's why having a digital sunset or a box to place phones on the table is a healthy way to say to your family, "You're important.". Carve out your time and push away the rest of the world for a little while. Having a meal together is another great way to spend quality time with our wife and family. The table was modeled by Jesus. There is power in breaking bread together and just enjoying each other's company. No matter your family dynamic, be intentional enough with time that you may even put it on the family calendar. Do this consistently. Not just with your wife, but also with your children. Psalm 90:12 says, "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." No one wishes they had spent more time on the golf course when they're on their death bed. Spend more time with the ones you love! (Michael Scott of "The Office" would say, "Who would buy a death bed?" How morbid is that?")
Gifts
Ephesians 4 says that Christ gave gifts to the Church. He gave freely and abundantly. There is nothing lacking in God's economy. Even if your wife's love language isn't gifts, I encourage you to take good notes about the things that your wife likes and surprise her as often as your budget allows. Investing in your relationship in this way will demonstrate to your wife that you love her and put her above your own needs.
Don't come home with a new set of golf clubs, but then complain when your wife buys a new pair of shoes or has a spa day. When you put your wife above your own wants or desires, your marriage will begin to thrive.
Acts of Service
One of the most beautiful things you can do is to demonstrate to your family how to serve them. Jesus washed the feet of His disciples. How can you wash the feet of those in your family? Pray about ways that you may demonstrate Acts of Service to your family. You'll be teaching them more than you know when you submit to this principle. You'll also place inside of them a sense of honor for you.
Simple Acts of Service
Words of Affirmation
Everyone needs encouragement. Your wife longs to hear that she is beautiful. She desires to be desired by you. She has a longing to feel wanted and needed by her husband. This is one reason why pornography is so detrimental to a marriage. When you satisfy your lusts with the images of other women, it diminishes the gift of a wife that you have.
1 Peter 3:7
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
Lesson Section
If you have a problem with pornography, please ask for help. There is no condemnation for those of us who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1) Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. (James 5:16) God can heal you of this brokenness.
Please text HELP to this number: 251.648.7580
We will pray for you and help you through the process of healing.
Lesson Section
Wife Love Litmus Test: Do I love what my wife loves?
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Lesson Section
Write a letter to your dad. Even if your dad has passed away, even if you and your dad never speak, even if you haven't heard from your dad in years, write the letter.
What to Say to Your Dad
