Opening Prompt
Foreword
I wrote this manual, for that is what it is, a manual for men to live an abundant, fulfilled, meaningful life. It is a step-by-step guide to becoming at the highest-level Maslow or Stephen Covey ever thought possible—it is aligning ourselves as men, with our Creator and His wishes and dreams for our lives. This is a manual to step out into the great adventure as Bilbo Baggins from the The Hobbit stepped from the safety of the Shire into the unknown adventure that changed him forever, so that upon return to the safety and familiarity of the Shire, he could no longer stand living there. He had attained his higher purpose, his calling, and his destiny. This is a manual for men to help them discover their God-given purpose.
I’m a business consultant by trade. I’ve sat across the table from hundreds of men throughout my years as a consultant and asked the question, “Why are you here? What is your purpose in life?” Through this rudimentary survey, I’ve seen the vast majority of them, almost all save for the few, hang their heads in shame and whisper as if half lost, “I wish I knew.” These are not the indigent or sloven. These are not men drifting through life or floating from job to job, woman to woman. Some of these men are anchors in their respective churches, solid husbands and fathers, politicians, multi-millionaires, and what society would call “winners”. Men who have taken hold of the American Dream of owning their own business and forging their own empires. Many times, they would ask me if I knew mine, to which I would shake my head and say, “I am in the same boat as you, my friend.”
For years, I searched and longed for the answer to one of the great questions, perhaps the greatest question, “Why am I here?”. I began to pray and seek the answer. I read psychology books, books about manhood, spiritual books and I read my Bible. And it was there that God revealed to me my purpose, and the purpose of every man. For we are all born into the same human condition; we are all men, and we are built of the same stuff. Our souls long for the same things. We are all made by One Creator. He designed us all.
I am no more qualified to write this manual than any other man that has walked on the face of this earth. Perhaps, I am less so, for I am no scholar, philosopher, or esteemed thinker. I accepted a job with just six semester hours left before I graduated college with an English degree, but I never went back to get the sheepskin. I am no man at all to tell you how to live your life. I have made so many mistakes and blunders that I cannot count them all. It is by the grace of God that I’m still in business; in fact, it is by his mercy that I am still alive. But when I tell men that I know what the purpose of their life is, they perk up and say, “What is it? How can I know my purpose?” I tell them my story, for that is the one I know best. I tell them how I grew up, how broken I was until I found Christ. Many of them are Christians, so they ask me for more. I tell them how I searched out the answer to the question, not as an Existentialist, with myself at the center of the question, but as a follower of Christ, with Christ at the center of the question, and I found a deep and satisfying answer. I found the illumination of God’s Truth resonate with my spirit, and I hold these Truths to be self-evident. When you hear them or read them, I believe you will have the “Aha” moment that I did, and it will change your life. It will give you purpose and direction. That is my ultimate prayer.
There is also another reason to spell out these words that formulate sentences and thoughts into the ether… There is a deep heresy being fed and ingested by an unwitting world, and perhaps an unwitting church. As to its aim and the fruit it will bear, that is fully yet to be revealed, but the budding of it is at the very least divisive, diminutive, and devolving of man and men. Its roots are unknown except it was birthed in darkness. I do not know if there is a New World Order advancing like a swift nimbus, casting a shadow over everyone. Like most evils, it is disguised as good, like the good of equality, specifically women’s equality—which is a half-truth, veiled in the advancement of women, but is copious in bondage. Men are being diminished for the sake of the goodness of all. Our authority has ended, the world lets out a cry of freedom, confetti rains, just as the statues and statutes of male role dominance in the workplace, in the marketplace, in the houses of worship, and in the home are crumbling. The warlord brutes, the slimy businessmen, the backroom politicians, the caveman with one hand on his beer and the other on his balls while screaming at the ball game, are fossilizing before our eyes as a new generation of empowered women, empowered they/them, flaunt their newfound liberation. Meanwhile, men slink back into the shadows. The world has coined the phrase, “toxic masculinity” which defines all masculinity that is strong, competitive, competent, and powerful is dangerous. Regardless of the protection it has done or the freedoms it has won, it is no longer deemed necessary in this New World.
If I were the enemy of this world, I would attack men. I would deem them worthless, and lump all of them into the category of “dangerous” or outdated. I would emasculate them and disenfranchise them from the rest of the world. What’s coming is coming. We can see that nimbus on the horizon, and it has already started to rain. Men no longer know how to be men. Are we to be the WWII male, stoic and masculine, dutiful and honorable, or are we supposed to cry at our daughter’s dance recital and let the woman lead, for it is her time. The advice “Happy wife, happy life” gets twisted into the worldview of letting our wives do all things in the home and relinquishes us from decision making and siphons our God-given spiritual authority in the home. Like many of the enemy’s lies, it is a half-truth. “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” (1 Peter 3:7 NIV) Here, the Holy Spirit through Peter, tells us how to treat our wives and even puts a condition upon it, “so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” This isn’t a suggestion, but a commandment. We are to be considerate and respect our wives. In most marriage vows we say that we will “honor” our wives… As if we know what that means, anymore. We must define what honor is. We must define what respect and consideration means to fulfill the commandment, otherwise, our prayers will be hindered. There is a direct correlation between how we treat our wives and how God hears us. That is profound and something to pontificate.
I believe our manhood lies somewhere between the stoic John Wayne caricature and the effeminate creature the world is trying to cast into the mold of “modern man”. We should be dutiful, sometimes stoic, but there is nothing to be ashamed about the beauty of a father’s love for his daughter displayed in tears at a dance recital. We are to be respectful and courteous. That doesn’t mean always-acquiescent. Our houses aren’t democracies. We are the leaders. Good leaders take advice, listen to their teams, and move forward with every piece of data they can muster within the proper time frame. Good leaders don’t always submit. Jesus didn’t say, “Blessed are the peacekeepers.” In the Sermon on the Mount. He said, “Blessed are the peacemakers.”. There is no better contrast between the two than between Chamberlain and Churchill. One refused to engage with Hitler, no matter how shredded the Treaty of Versailles became; the other understood that to stop a bully, you had to go to war. Meekness isn’t weakness. Meekness is having the strength to engage but exhausting all peaceful solutions before engaging in battle. That is our job as servant-leaders. That is part of the character of Christ, and therefore should be ours, as well.
My hope is that this manual will help define manhood as God sees it, your role within your family and the reason God made you. That is my prayer. Enjoy the journey.